were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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