You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
