Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
