Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
