My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
