Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
