I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
