I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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