...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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