Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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