He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this beer tastes like vomit already
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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