so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
