I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
