cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
