when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
