i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
