Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I did not marry a roomba.
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