Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
