OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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