somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
