I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
