I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
that may or may not have been my penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
