i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
