Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
