I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
