Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
