I'm lost and stupid without you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
