Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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