3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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