I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize