hell yes lets make some ravioli
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
