i just had sex bonerless
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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