then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
