Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
