he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
