I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
