No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
