Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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