i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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