Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize