Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
