Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
