No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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