so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
