Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
