There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
