ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
