He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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