Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
