Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
