Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
