Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
