I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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