nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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