Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
