how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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