if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
