I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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