It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
