He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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