I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
