i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
