I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
