I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
