Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
