I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize