Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
