is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
