He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize